O my
Gonsalvus,
The sole responsibility of where we stand now lies with you.
Many a time did I try to act out my emotional state, but you
never understood. It is your failure in understanding the
underlying pathology that makes me elaborate upon the history
now.
It all began as a mere admiration or more than that envy on my
part of your ambitious mind, your skills and discipline. Yes,
it is very difficult to understand the subtle vibrations of
mind. I knew that yours' is a world of order and purpose and
never did I want to peep in. But then there was a gradual
transformation. Seeing you, talking to you-all became an
obsession and then a compulsion. I don't know what is
happening! Even a single thought of you could be a stimulus
for a noradrenergic discharge to accelerate my heart beat and
raise my blood pressure. Wait a bit before you group my malady
into neurotic, psychotic or factitious disorders.
Probably, this prolonged stay of two and a half years in
Calicut Medical College has resulted in a nosocomial infection
with a still unidentifiable pathogen. Physical examination
will only show an occasional sinus tachycardia which will not
help you in arriving at a provisional diagnosis. You have
acquired excellence in clinical methods, still you pay no heed
to this benign heart murmur of mine. Most modern scientific
techniques also will not offer you much help except, of
course, an electroencephalogram which shows an alteration in
the slowwave pattern of my non-REM sleep, Oh, what an
extraordinarily rare case! Don't burn too much midnight oil
and spend time with Harrison or underwood to solve the
problem. It is as simple or as complex as I am love sick. Yes,
the valves of my heart dance in a rapid rate to the musical
rhythm of love.
There is no role for the conventional treatment strategies.
Only you can manage the situation with a specific therapy of
'care and cure'. I am waiting with dilated pupils for a
favourable response and anything opposite to my expectation
could only precipitate a neurogenic shock in me. Denial of my
love would mean a lethal injury to my mind. Remaining here in
a hope that you would definitely feel my pulse.
Isabella
The Author,Zebunnisa
S.P is a Medical Student at Calicut
Medical College.
